Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
