I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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