Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
