We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
