Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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