like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
