Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
