Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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