Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
