She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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