I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
