my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
