He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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