I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
