If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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