I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
