I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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