my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
