I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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