listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The Olympian is in my bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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