You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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