i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
