No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
