So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
