that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is Oprah even human
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
