he thought i was a dude.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
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I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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