what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
