Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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