she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
