I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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