She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
