I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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