i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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