she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
