And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
