I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
