weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
