Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
