Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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