If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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