i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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