i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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