I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
