You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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