just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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