dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
