i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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