Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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