My hand turned me down
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
