She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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