Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
