i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
