Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
