there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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