do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
