I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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