Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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