Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
