I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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