I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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