first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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