The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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