Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
