Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
