What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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